she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
