why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Four minutes until I can fart!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
