How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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