So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
FUCK WHALES
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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