forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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