He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
