Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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