I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
