I wish I could teleport
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
