My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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