just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Less talking, more tequila
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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