You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
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