Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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