I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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