2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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