you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
