just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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