Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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