You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
