The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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