If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i will never coherently bang her
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I will pee on everything he values.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
