I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
