Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
