well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
