Umm I'm too high to move.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
