k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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