Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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