dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I look better un-naked...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
