You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
