the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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