Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
