You smell like a Billy Joel song
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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