don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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