last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I won the penis lottery.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
