ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
