i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
