I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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