Your face is a jimmy john
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
