So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
