I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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