apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
