I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
