dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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