I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
