i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
