mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
