it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
