Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
