Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
