That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I could fuck to npr.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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