i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
