I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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