pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
