I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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