i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There's even glitter on my cock...
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