It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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