Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
