i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
two words...techno handjob
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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