I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
