I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
