why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
