We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
