Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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