Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
