i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
