they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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