I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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