So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
