The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
