he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
